I'm offering you sweet serenity.

I used to be proud of myself when I'm able to help other people. I remember two friends of mine whom I've helped and who said they'll forever be in debt of what I've done for them. Other than that, I am also proud of my ability to "read" other people. I am not saying that I am very professional in reading other people, that I am very good in doing this. It's just the way I gauge their voice and see through their eyes that I can read them. I'm pretty sure other people can do this too, so don't think of me as a super reader or anything in that effect. :)

But lately, I've been doubting myself regarding this. You see, I am crushing on (or can I say, falling for?) someone in my school. I'm sure those who know me really well already have an idea on what I've been doing to this guy for the past few days. Yes, I'm stalking him. Everytime I am interested in someone, it's really my nature to "investigate" about his life and ev'rything that surrounds him. I guess that's my way of figuring out if I should allow myself to continue falling for that someone or if I should stop myself. But this guy is different. I past by him everyday and I always try looking at his eyes to read him. But everytime I do, I always fail. I look at his eyes but all I can see is pitch black darkness. I can see his pupils but I can't read it. But I know something from his eyes: they're deep and a hiding place. What he hides in that dark deepness, that I don't know of.

This guy really blew me away. He got a swagger that really caught my attention the first time I ever saw him. I adore guys who can handle themselves in a crowd, who can walk in the middle as if they own the stage. Secondly, his smile. Dude, I fall for guys who got the sweetest smile in the universe. I remember the first time he smiled at me, he didn't say anything. He just stood there, looking at me and smiling. I'll relive that moment anytime to see his first smile again. Lastly, the brains. He got the brains, man. I mean, the brains, the effin brains. If there's something I really look ofr in a guy, then it's their brains. I don't give an eff if you're so hot or if you got the biggest pants bulge. If you got the brains then I'm definitely all in for you.

So, I've been stalking this guy, right? I now know where he lives, what his school schedule is, when his birthday is, where his locker is and yes, what he does on his free time. Sadly, it isn't all good. I can tolerate guys who drink and smoke. You see, I do that, too. So who the hell am I to judge a guy who drinks and smokes? But there's one thing I haven't dealt with before - smoking weed. If you haven't heard of weed before, then check this website.

So I assume you now know what weed is. Yes, weed is an informal name for marijuana. You read it right, marijuana. I asked one of my friends about him and the first thing he told me was "That guy is f*cked up! He smokes weed!". He even went as far as telling me that I should choose other guy than this guy I'm already crushing on. To tell you the truth, I was so shocked at first. The first thing I did was pich my cheek if I am really awake. I can never imagine someone with a smile like him and the brains (especially the brains!) like him to do such a thing. I kept telling myself that if he really got the brains, then why would he destroy his future by doing that.

I was heartbroken. Not because I like him, but because I can't accept the fact that someone like him smokes weed. Take away the fact that he does that, I can see him having a bright future. My friend told him that he is an only child. He's half Pinoy and half something else (which I won't tell because he might stumble upon this stupid blog of mine and discover I've been following him). Apparently, he only got influenced into smoking weed by his friends who have also been influenced by other people. He also got a bad temper, my friend said. Uh oh. I hate that part, too. I'm so fly and happy and I rarely get angry (except when provoked) and I love happy things so much. People always see me smiling and laughing out loud (swear!). How will I behave when paired with someone who gets angry easily?

So here's the real deal. A year ago, I promised myself that I will do good things to people every month of February, my birthday month. That promise started here (read the last two paragraphs). I chose my Mom as a starter last year (I know it's a good choiceÜ), and I think I already have the chosen one whom I'll help or do good to this year. HIM. I've already got plans on how I can start helping him. Of course this case is different from my mom's case. My mom knows I gave the gift, but this guy won't know who I am. I will be doing this not because I like him romantically, but because I think he is someone who he is worthy of being given another chance to have a bright future. I'll do this while I hide in the shadows. I pray to God that my plan will be successful. If this plan become successful, then my nineteenth birthday will be a memorable one.


PS:
I've already mentioned in my former blogs that I have this superhero syndrome. See? I guess I'm right. I know that like Superman & Batman, there will always come a time that I won't be able to save the people I want to help. But still, I'm gonna try. There's no harm in trying, right? And if I fail, if I fail helping him, at least I know I've done my best and who knows, maybe years from now, he'll wake up and remember this anonymous girl who once tried helping him and when that time comes, he'll have the initiative to help himself. If he does, I know I've helped him still and I succeeded.