Monday, January 24, 2011

400

I saw these UST pictures all over Tumblr and I can’t help but shed a tear. It feels like I’m looking at the life I want to live, the life I want to go back to…but of course I can’t do that anymore.

UST. I only loved you once, but I never stopped loving you since then. You are my first love. People say that “first love never dies but true love may bury it alive.” If that’s the case, I’d rather die of broken heart than look for my true love. I may be studying in a good college now, but you will forever have my heart. Forever, and the day after forever.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Spoilers ahead.

It was a happy ending, after all. But the scenes where Charlie said he's finally letting go of Julienne broke my heart, as well as Director Choi's face when he said "goodbye" to Gino. I also felt sad for Charlie because everyone got their own partners in the end, but he ended up alone. Oh well, he might meet somebody in China.

Park Gae's In (Julienne) weather forecast for tomorrow:

It won't be a life where everyday is clear and mild, but even if a pitch black darkness passes, where nothing can be seen, if this man and I are together, I feel like I can muster up the courage and continue walking.

Jeon Jin Ho's (Gino) weather forecast for tomorrow:

I raced ahead up to now without rest, but I was always that child that circled around the same spot. But after meeting this woman, I learned that occasionally stopping to reflect would allow me to go further.

Because I'm not patient enough to wait for ABS-CBN to air it.

I'm finally done watching the whole Perfect Match (aka Personal Preference) series! Gahd, their break up scene made me cry, especially the part where Gino kept convincing himself that he didn't love Julienne.

And yes, they finally did it. Not that I'm a pervert-who-is-always-hungry-for-IT, but man, look at Lee Min Ho's smile when he woke up the morning after they did it. Isn't he the cutest? :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Cried four times today

1: On the bus, for unknown reason

2: Outside my aunt’s house, for unknown reason

3: Mall foodcourt, while telling my aunt that I cried for unknown reason

4: 3 minutes ago, in my room. So loud that my aunt and her cousin went down my room to check on me. I learned that my siblings and my cousin ordered pizza tonight, and I felt so left out that I cried. I mean, they ordered pizza TONIGHT. I left our house (the same house I live in with my siblings and cousin) because my winter break is over, and I need to live again with my aunt because her home is closer to my school. *Don’t get me wrong, I love my aunt and my cousins and my uncle!

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First rule of studying psychology (or when you studied psychology as part of your whole program) : NEVER EVER SELF-DIAGNOSE YOURSELF.

I just came home from a party. But I’m already feeling sad. Is something wrong? I told myself that I maybe depressed. But then I remembered the first rule.

But man, I feel so sad I think I’m really experiencing depression. I cry for no reasons at all and I feel sad just because…yeah, I just feel sad. My aunt, who heard me crying (my room is in the first floor, and she’s in the third floor), told me to go to our family doctor tomorrow. She said that winter really has this effect on people, and it is not good. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen the sun for like four days already.

My aunt also asked me what’s wrong. And I told her that I feel so empty, that I feel like my life has no life in it. Walang kabuhay buhay ang buhay ko. I also told her that I feel like i should do something but I don’t know what it is. My aunt told me that being depressed is not a joke. Her cousin told me that being depressed during winter in Canada is different from being depressed in other countries.

F*ck. Now I’m starting to cry again. I don’t want to self-diagnose myself, but I really feel like there’s something wrong. Worst, I feel like my life has no meaning that I shouldn’t be living at all.